I had said, “I will speak thus,” Behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children. When I thought how to understand this,
It was too painful for me— until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end.” Psalm 73:15-17
Asaph shows us the struggle of a true believer. He has just faced temptation face to face. It is a temptation that comes because he does not understand how God’s word but because what he sees does not seem to align with the truth he knows. Satan attacks him and tempts him to doubt God. He should live the life of the wicked and get all he can in this world. Asaph comes dangerously close to yielding to the temptation of envy. This is the tendency to compare one’s self with someone else in a way that leaves one feeling deprived. Envy wants the same things others have. Our culture in America is uniquely
designed to create inevitable comparison and inevitable dissatisfaction. Whether it’s standardized tests, beauty contests or your neighbor’s new car, we are all tempted to envy. Envy is so common that God made it the subject of one of His 10 commandments: “Do not covet your neighbor’s house. Do not covet your neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Exodus 20:17) Asaph knows God’s word is true. So the Spirit of God strives with him, as He does with us, to cause him to think about what God has said.. Like
Moses he ponders what he values.
I had said, “I will speak thus,” Asaph realizes the seriousness of his struggle and he realizes this is not something he can share widely with everyone. This does not mean he did not need wise Godly counselors to discuss his struggles with but it is not the kind of struggle to broadcast.
Behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children Asaph realizes that his struggles and questions could lead others astray. Despite his lack of understanding he did not want to cause others to doubt God and he knew this was where this path could easily lead.
When I thought how to understand this Asaph thought carefully about how to understand the dilemma he faced. Where could he find answers to his questions?
It was too painful for me Asaph is honest. This struggle troubles him greatly, it is a real emotional or spiritual struggle. Asaph is caught in a trap. He can not deny the truth that he saw – the wicked and ungodly often have good lives. He knew his own life was hard and difficult. He felt chastened by God and plagued with difficulties. While Asaph struggles with this he did not feel at liberty to talk about it with others for fear of hindering their walk with God. He was in turmoil.
What can we learn? We know the Christian life involves tests and trails but we sometimes forget that those trials often include what Satan tempted Eve with – doubt God is good – He is holding out on us. God doesn’t always tell us why because we know God’s character. That is the life of faith. When that happens we endure even though we may struggle to understand. We hold on, sometimes barely, by our
fingernails trusting God in the darkness because we know His words are always true.